What Do You Think, El?
by Leo Marie Octavian
Summary: The point of no return   Rated M for blood, gore, and flaming sexuality. ...Not really.
1. Chapter 1

The Point of No Return

I had the kid backed up against the sink, grinding my hips against his. I let my hands do the sweet talking as they caressed his arms and muscled chest, easing him out of his dirty shirt. More than anything, I wanted to just tear off what clothing we had on and fuck him so hard, he couldn't walk straight tomorrow. But I couldn't. Something about this damn apocalypse was stopping me from doing that. Perhaps it was because tomorrow, I needed him to be able to run along side me and watch my back, not sobbing over what happened between us last night. Dammit.

A low, breathy moan escaped from the boy as I begun coaxing his mouth open with playful nips at his lips and expert uses of my tongue. It was all just so intoxicating. Without thinking I pulled back, just for a moment, and ripped the shirt off over his head. As soon as I could see skin, I invaded it, leaving a trail of wet kisses over his chest as I reached the knot in his coveralls. For a brief second, I grew upset.. But as I brought my head back up, I could see Ellis' facial expression, and immediately slipped back into the moment. It was getting very difficult to resist the urge to take him now, but something about those gasps and moans... It was worth the wait.

"Niiiickk..." Ellis moaned, gripping the edge of the sink so tightly, his knuckles turned white. His head was lowered, perhaps watching my hands work at the knot.

"Yeah Overalls?" I replied, cracking some kind of half grin as I untied the knot.

Ellis raised his head, trying to calm his breathing so he could talk right. "Wha' 'bout tomorrow?"

I kept my hands at his waist as I thought about his question. "Same as every other day."

Almost immediately, he asked another question. "Are ya gonna be all distant or some shit like that?"

I answered by freeing myself and pulling him close, followed by a slow kiss pressed to his temple. "What do you think, El?"

...

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**AN: **First part, of three. Drabble-y things. Wrote them at night when I'm busy being sad, haha. The next part will be longer, I promise. :)


	2. Chapter 2

The Point of No Return

Not even a month ago, I wouldn't have thought twice about even _touching _another man in such a passionate way. Of course, I _had_ done so occassionally, but only for a mere con. Much showering and convincing that I was still as straight as ever took place afterwards. But now, all of that has changed. Why?

That damn hick, and his gorgeous blue eyes.

A person's eyes tell a lot about them, or so I've learned over the years. It can decipher whether they're truly happy, or deeply worried. But those like myself, conmen, can mask these expressions. I'm sure that's not the main reason the southerner pined after me, and it sure wasn't the reason I craved him so much. No, it was just how _open _his eyes were about everything that ensnared me. I could tell when he was joyous, and when I needed to just hold him and kiss away the bad feelings. And he never said no.

I can explicitly remember the first time I saw him, because that was the first time I truly felt love. Of course, at the time, I didn't know it was love. But still, an attraction grew. I boldly (yet somehow still sneakily) hit on the young man, his vibrant blue eyes following me every step of the way, fully enveloped in everything I said. His angelic smile quickly warmed up to me, but of course, I'd never openly say it. Instead, I let the slightest touch between our two hands do the talking. He caught my implication, but avoided it, at first. He distracted me with his blue tribal tattoo, on his muscular arm. But the funny thing? The first time we had sex, I was in control the entire time, and every time after that.

After a night of just some mere flirting, we didn't speak again. I knew that was a mistake, and I deeply regretted it. I cursed the boy for allowing me to feel this way towards another guy. But when the infection hit and we were thrown back together, I was almost relieved. Yet I still remembered what the kid had done, and I didn't forgive him for turning me gay...

...

_"My name's Ellis, but you can call me El," The rest of his words dissolved as I watched his mouth move. I don't know why, but I just wanted to kiss him. Repeatedly. And fuck him in this elevator _right now._ But I couldn't, so I didn't. Goddamn apocalypse. _

_"The name's Nick. but don't bother learning it 'cause I ain't sticking around much longer." I said hastily after Ellis spoke._

I didn't know if he recognized me. I really hope he didn't. I didn't want to deal with his reaction, mainly because I didn't know what it would be.

_"Hey Nick,"_

_"Mm?" I grunted in reply, staring at the red safe house door. I didn't want to look at the kid's face, in fear of getting lost in his blue eyes. Dammit, _why _was I being like this?_

_"W-were you the one guy at the bar tha' one night 'afore all a'this happened?" he asked quietly, a look of curiosity on his face._

_I hesitated to answer his question. I knew that it was him that I was hitting on a few nights ago, even before he asked me that question. I tried to figure out what he was feeling by looking into his eyes._

_"What happens if I say yes?" I asked carefully, not too sure that was my smartest move._

_Ellis just moved closer, and suddenly I couldn't resist it any longer. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to me, my lips crashing down on his. It wasn't in a violent way, simply just applying force to a deep kiss. Almost immediately, Ellis returned the kiss, trying to sit up some more so he could be comfortable. His hands had a firm grasp on my white jacket, his legs shifting from crossed to bent at the knee. I let go of his right shoulder, cupping his cheek instead._

_Slowly, I pulled away as soon as I needed a breath (which luckily, took longer than a few seconds). I looked at his gorgeous face, feeling the urge to fuck him boil up inside me._

_But then, when our eyes met, I realized something. I didn't want to fuck him, I wanted to make love to him._

_..._

And that's how it was ever since. I was never just having sex with him for the hell of it, no matter how much I tried to convince myself I was. No, to this day, I can say I loved Ellis. I loved him with everything inside of me. He had once said something about soulmates under his breath, and now I wish he had spoken up, because I knew he was right.

I think about the kid, and all I can remember is the last time I held him and rocked with him and kissed him all over.

...

_His breathing became staggered, moans escaping from him everytime I moved at the right moment, hit the right spot. I couldn't help but stare at his face as I continued, feeling myself coming closer to the peak. I felt as if I was going to die from happiness as I held him on this shitty bed in this shitty town of New Orleans. We were facing each other, partially sitting up, something still relatively new to us. I had adapted rather quickly, whereas Ellis hadn't. It didn't bother me, since that just meant I had to help him along. And each time I did, I felt we were just that much perfect for one another._

_I kissed his shoulder, running my hands up and down his back in a slow, methodic movement. As soon as I raised my head, Ellis pressed his forehead against mine, grasping my shoulders. I held him steady at the waist, my other hand cupping his cheek. One more thrust would do it, I thought to myself._

_I kissed Ellis' forehead before the climax hit and his body weakened. I tried my best to hold him up, feeling the familiar shudders of pleasure rake through me. _

_"A-are we gonna make it, Nick?" Ellis whispered, his hands still on my shoulders, lightly tracing circles on my skin._

_"What do you think, El?" I replied, looking him in the eyes before kissing him gently._

_..._

* * *

_**AN: **_Second part, of three. Notice anything yet? Maybe? Maybe... Reviews on the last italic part would be appreciated, seeing as to it's my first "real" sex scene... But only if you want to leave a review, haha.


	3. Chapter 3

__

The Point of No Return

He never really liked the nickname 'El'. Of course, that was before I ever-so lovingly began calling him by it. In fact, in the end, he preferred it over his full name.

...

_"Don't worry, we'll make it out of here," I murmured, holding the boy close. "The helicopter is right there. Hold on. Just for me, El. Just for me."_

_The boy just looked up at my face, his blue eyes tired yet bright as ever. I flashed a hasty smile, pressing a kiss to his forehead._

_"N-Nick," he stammered, his voice quivering. _

_"Yeah?" I replied, pulling him closer, trying to not disturb the gaping wounds in his chest, or in my lower stomach._

_"'S the chopper gone?" _

_I didn't even bother looking at the helicopter pad. I knew it was gone. It was long gone. It was gone way before either of us had gotten hurt. All hope had left us as soon as we stepped onto the bridge._

_"What do you think, El?" I lied, smiling, hoping that he would buy into it and think there was still time for us to miraculously stand up and run to the copter that abandoned us on this godforsaken bridge, our wounds fixed and forgotten. In reality, I knew he wouldn't last much longer. I kissed him all over his beautiful face, not letting him even think he wasn't going to make it. I kissed him on the lips last, feeling just as I did when I first saw him; in love._

_"I-I love you, N-Nick." Ellis whispered after the kiss ended, his voice cracking. I saw the light leave those blue eyes, once open and bright, never diminishing, until now._

_"I love you too, El." I replied, choking on my words. Tears threatened to fall, but I couldn't let them, not in front of Ellis. No, not even in death. I had to be strong, for the both of us. "I love you, I love you, I love you."_

_I repeated those three simple yet powerful words into his brown curls, taking off that treasured hat of his and holding it in my hand. I took in these last few memories of Ellis, hearing the fighter jets roar overhead. _

_I looked up to the skies, my tired and weary eyes watering. I saw the bomb fall from the sky, landing back where a Hunter had ripped that dreaded hole in Ellis' chest, where I had begun to carry him to this spot at the very end of the bridge. _

_The explosion was bright, firey, different. I wanted to shake Ellis gently and show him how beautiful and horrifying it was, but I couldn't. _

_With one last look down at the boy, I pressed a kiss to his forehead, and the-_

_..._

* * *

**AN: **

I'll be glad to let you all know I teared up when I was writing this, when I was reviewing it, and when I read it just now. And I apologize for a somewhat lengthy delay. Well, in my opinion it was lengthy. Anyway... I hope you all enjoyed this three-part drabble. Just something I needed to fill my time with in between blocks on my novel-in-progress. It's getting harder to write, so more fanfiction might come out of this... Lucky for you all, suckish for me. Oh well.

**_Disclaimer:_**

I don't own Left 4 Dead 2, Nick, or Ellis.


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